2b) You have to realise that: they're only a part of a bigger scope of fallen humanity; that you were not special; that everybody has dysfunction. You look at Jesus, and His family life in the Book of Matthew - Jesus' genealogy is like Jerry Springer on speed! There was cannibalism, there were people who burned children in fire, there were prostitutes, there were drunkards; there were all kinds of things going on in Jesus' genealogy.
You're not unique, I'm not unique - all God's people have got stuff, because we grow up in a fallen world; and the Bible says it this way: “all have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God” - and your parents were no different.
When we don't step back from the pain, we start to believe: I was given a wrong deck of cards. I'm the only one that went through this. No - you weren't; but before they did anything wrong to you, they did something right, which was give you life. Whatever happened to you - I'm so sorry, I am; and let me tell you what God says about that. God says “every tear you cried, He collected it in a bottle”. That's how much He cares. He cared about every tear that you cried, every bit of pain, every bit of violation.
But for you right now, you're 35, you're 45, you're 55, and it's held you back your whole life. Today can be a day of salvation for you, in the sense that you make a decision that from this day forward: for MY family, “as for me and my house - we will serve the Lord”. We are going forward, to perpetuate godliness, so that no one else has to deal with this. They were just a part of fallen humanity. So #1: you need to appreciate the fact they gave you life; #2: you have to realise that they were just a part of fallen humanity.
3) You have to give up the control-freakiness in your life – desire to take vengeance.
Every one of us, at times, thinks that we can do a better job than God - all of us. One of the things that God says there's not a job opening for, is the “earth's vengeance-taker”. There's not! The Bible clearly says: “Vengeance is Mine!” God is the greatest vengeance-taker on earth.
Proverbs says: “See to it that you don't explode in anger on your enemy, lest the vengeance of God get removed from him:. In other words, God is duty-bound to take vengeance on your behalf; but He will not, if you take His job. If you want to be the one that takes the vengeance - then have it - but God won't. Just step back, take your hands off of it, and realise that they are accountable to God, not to you.
Romans 14:10 says this: “Why do you judge your brother (or why do you despise him), because he hurt you? Don't you know that every person will stand before the judgement seat of Christ?” So see to it to make sure that you are not an offence to somebody. The only person in this world you're supposed to judge is yourself - to make sure that you're not being offensive.
In a room this size, I know there's at least one of you, who really believes that it is your job to be the moral police for the whole world. It's your job to sit back and go: that's wrong, that's right; they're wrong about that, they're right about that. Maybe you're even one of those guys who started one of those websites, apostasywatch.com, to guard the body of Christ from error.
Let me help you with something okay? It is not your job to be the moral police for the whole world! Your job is to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” - to make sure that YOU are not being an offence to anybody else. Anything, that anybody else is doing, is between them and God - and God can handle it.
When you apply this to your parents, let me tell you this: no matter what they did to you, there'll be something inside of you that wants to take vengeance; but I'm going to tell you this: the best thing you could do, is to leave it in the hands of the most righteous judge in the world. Only God knows what they went through. Only God knows their heart. Only God knows their motivation, and God will take care of it. You need to step back and live your life to the fullest.