I said: “I don’t think we should keep talking. The answer’s very obvious. He’s been unfaithful 3 times, he’s had no change in his heart - he’s going to keep doing the same.” But I could tell she wasn’t listening, because what she wanted is to marry this man. I said: “By the way, tell me about your own family. Tell me about your father.” “Oh, I don’t see my father.” “Why is that?” “Well, our family broke up when I was 13; and he lives somewhere else now.” I said: “Out of interest, why did it break up?” “Oh, he was unfaithful.” “Just out of interest, how many times?” “Oh, 3 times.”
Now, it was quite unusual that that came out like that. I said: “You have bitter roots against your father, and judgements against him, you have never dealt with. This is why you are attracted to the same kind of man, and are blind to what he’s really like. So, this relationship is a disaster. You need to deal with the bitter roots in your heart against your father.” To my surprise, she said that she couldn’t see it. Actually, she didn’t want to see it. She just wanted to marry this man. So, I said: “I’m sorry. I can’t help you. You won’t face the truth, that you have deep bitterness and demonic spirits inside you.”
So, when working with people, the first part is the diagnosis and establishing what the problems are. Help the person to see their part in it. Then there are some steps out of it.
1.) Recognise and take responsibility.
2.) Repentance and confession of sin. It’s crucial if a person’s to come free, that the sin issue is dealt with. If sin creates the legal rights, sin has to be removed; and it’s removed by repentance and confession. 1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” So, we need to deal with sin. People need to repent and deal with this issue of sin. Repent means turning away from it. Sin leads to death. Turning away from it leads to life. Many times, if you find deliverance difficult, it’s because the person has not really repented.
3.) The person must release forgiveness. Mark 11:25 – “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him; that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.” Forgiveness is another major reason why people are not free.
Unforgiveness keeps the person’s soul bound to the demonic spirits, and whatever’s been done against them. When a person is holding unforgiveness, they usually have resentment and anger in their heart because some injustice has been done, something’s been taken from them. It may be real or it may be imagined, but unforgiveness is a debt they must pay. It’s a demand: you owe me! It could be against a father – you broke up our family, I’ve suffered these years - you owe me. So, it’s a demand that there be a repayment of some kind.
Forgiveness is: we’re letting go of that demand. “I release you. You don’t have to say sorry. You don’t have to pay me back. You don’t have to do anything. I have let go my demand.” So, if we’re going to get people set free, we need to understand the importance of forgiveness. In Matthew 18:34-35, Jesus said: “If you do not forgive every person, his brother, from their heart, then you’ll be delivered to tormentors.” In other words, evil spirits have a legal right; they can access your life, if unforgiveness remains in your heart.
Now, I have found increasingly, this is a problem. It’s not enough just to tell the person – “Hey, you need to forgive.” The person must let go from the heart. It has to be a heart decision: to move from death to life. “I let go the unforgiveness, I release forgiveness, and I’m willing to bless the person.” Jesus said: “Bless those who curse you, forgive those who despitefully use you. Pray for them.” So, forgiveness is letting go and blessing. So, I have found, rather than just mechanically say: “You have to forgive”; and then the person prays a prayer, but their heart isn’t in it - they generally don’t get free. Forgiveness is a decision. It is a choice; but it needs to involve the heart. It needs to be a heartfelt letting go.